Get all 6 Dave Guhlow releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Piano Droppings, The Dangerous Dave Show, Family Tripe, Have A Mice Day, My Ear Has Worms, and Stupid Songs.
1. |
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I’M NOT A MORNING KIND OF GUY
(Dave Guhlow)
Now the sun has come out
And the birds are all singing
Friendly faces about
And the bells are all ringing
People smiling as they walk on by
Neighbors waving and they all say hi
Children playing ‘neath the clear blue sky
I hate it
I’m not a morning kind of guy (sigh)
It’s a beautiful day
Everyone is so happy
But I can’t be that way
When I’m feeling so crappy
I would really like to stay in bed
Rather sleep till afternoon instead
All the noises pounding in my head
I hate it
I’m not a morning kind of guy (sigh)
(Where’s my shotgun)
(Aah)
(This music’s not making me feel any better either)
I’m not a morning kind of guy
(I think we’ve established that by now)
Morning people will say
You don’t know what you’re missing
I’ll tell ‘em all go away
And wish the sun was eclipsing (eh)
I can’t help it if I’m not a lark
I would much prefer it after dark
So if you will pardon me for snark
I hate it
I’m not a morning kind of guy (oy)
(There’s my shotgun)
(Bang)
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2. |
It’s Your Birthday
01:40
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IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY
(Dave Guhlow)
It’s your birthday, let’s celebrate
Let’s all have ice cream, and some cake
And throw a party, for your sake
It’s your birthday holiday
It’s your birthday, and you’re so cute
Let’s make this special day a hoot
By dancing in your birthday suit
It’s your birthday holiday
(Bridge)
Your present’s wrapped, I hope it fits
And all your candles will be lit
So blow ‘em out
Just take a breath
You’re one year closer to your death
It’s your birthday, let’s celebrate
Let’s all get drunk and have some cake
And party down, for goodness sake
It’s your birthday holiday
(Repeat bridge)
It’s your birthday, let’s celebrate
Let’s all get stoned and have some cake
And party down, ‘fore it’s too late
It’s your birthday holiday
It’s your birthday holiday
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3. |
Save The Beer
03:04
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SAVE THE BEER
(Dave Guhlow)
When Christopher Columbus sailed across the ocean blue
To find a route to India, in 1492
Queen Isabella paid for this, and she sure made it clear
Hey, in case you don’t come back
Just be sure and save the beer
(Chorus)
Save the beer (save the beer)
Save the beer (save the beer)
As long as you can raise a cup o’ cheer (save the beer)
It’s not such a tough decision
When you know the end is near
Don’t you try to save yourself
Cause you gotta save the beer
(Don’t you try to save yourself)
(Cause you gotta save the beer beer beer beer)
(Beer beer beer beer)
When King Louis of France was just about to lose his head
Marie came on the scene, and so they cut hers off instead
As she lay on the chopping block, instead of showing fear
She said, let them eat some cake
But be sure and save the (ah)
(Repeat chorus)
If you’re on the Titanic and the ship’s about to sink
Well, there’s no need to panic, friends, before you hit the drink
We all know of the protocol, the rules are crystal clear
Hey, forget the women and children
You gotta you know what
(Repeat chorus) (That’s what)
The moral of the story is, for all you girls and boys
If you get into trouble, have some dignity and poise
And think about your family, the ones you hold so dear
Cause they’d want you all to know
Well, you know where this is going
(Repeat chorus)
Don’t you try to save yourself (Don’t you try to save yourself)
Don’t you try to save yourself (Don’t you try to save yourself)
Don’t you try to save yourself (Don’t you try to save yourself)
Cause you got
To
Save
The
Beer
(Save the beer)
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4. |
Christmas In Australia
03:20
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CHRISTMAS IN AUSTRALIA
(Dave Guhlow)
Now every late December
We all know how it goes
Your chestnut’s on an open fire
And dashing through the snow
But those of us down under
Where Jack Frost doesn’t blow
We might still be at grandma’s house
But everybody knows
(Chorus)
It’s Christmas in Australia
And we’re all full of cheer
We don’t have your white Christmases
It’s summertime down here
And we don’t want your eggnog
We’d rather have a beer (or two/three)
And Santa uses kangaroos
Instead of his reindeer
Now Santa, he’s still jolly
He still says ho ho ho
But he just leaves the sleigh at home
Because it doesn’t snow
And he won’t wear his outfit
He’d really rather not
And he won’t go down the chimney
Because it’s just too hot
(Repeat chorus)
Now those of you all living in
The northern hemisphere
You’ve got your classic Christmas songs
For winter time of year
But what about the rest of us
I’ll tell you what we think
The only time we’ll see some ice
Is when it’s in our drink (ho ho)
Now Christmas in the summer
Is not so hard to learn
And Santa brings us sunscreen
To make sure we don’t burn
Now just in case you missed him
No worries, mate, no fear
It’s Christmas in Australia
And he’ll be back next year
(Repeat chorus)
And Santa uses kangaroos
Instead of his reindeer (ho ho)
On Skippy, on Jif, on Peter Pan crunchy style
On generic store brand, on tasting spoon
I’m out of lyrics
I’m out of music as well
That’s it mate
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5. |
Sue The Bastards
01:51
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SUE THE BASTARDS
(Dave Guhlow)
If you find yourself in trouble
And you need help on the double
And your life is on the bubble, looking blue (oh no)
Well, you can call a cop
Or maybe you can holler stop (stop)
Or maybe there’s another option you can do (what’s that)
(Chorus)
Sue the bastards, haul their ass into court
Sue the bastards, get some legal support
Sue the bastards, use the power of torts
And they’ll take it in the shorts (hairs, that is)
See a lawyer, get some legal advice
Restitution, making money is nice
Sue the bastards, you don’t have to think twice
If you’ll just take my advice
If your finger’s in a vice
Or maybe you slipped on some ice
Or you discovered there’s some mice inside your beer (save the beer)
Well, you can hit the ceiling
But in case that you are reeling
There’s a way to make your feeling disappear (what’s that)
(Repeat chorus)
If you will just take my advice
Sue
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6. |
Bobolina
03:03
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BOBOLINA
(Dave Guhlow)
Well, I saw Bobolina, when she walked through the door
And when I saw Bobolina, my jaw dropped to the floor
I wanna see Bobolina, as often as I can
Cause you know Bobolina, used to be a man
Well, I knew Bobolina, I knew her long ago (Bobolina, Bobolina)
And when you see Bobolina, there’s something you should know (Bobolina, Bobolina)
I wanna see Bobolina, every chance I can
Cause you know Bobolina, used to be a man (Bobolina, Bobolina)
(Bridge)
Well, I knew Bobolina, when she was a slob
And I knew Bobolina, when her name was Bob
(Bob-Bob-Bob-Bob-Bob-Bob-Bob-Bob-Bob)
Well, I’m with Bobolina, she looks so different now (Bobolina, Bobolina)
And when you see Bobolina, she’ll turn your head, and how (Bobolina, Bobolina)
I wanna see Bobolina, as often as I can
Cause you know Bobolina, used to be a man (Bobolina, Bobolina)
She really was, you know
(Repeat bridge)
Well, I’m with Bobolina, and she looks mighty fine (Bobolina, Bobolina)
And when I’m with Bobolina, I wanna make her mine (Bobolina, Bobolina)
I wanna see Bobolina, every chance I can
Cause you know Bobolina, used to be a man (Bobolina, Bobolina)
Hey, Bobolina (Bobolina, Bobolina)
Hey, Bobolina (Bobolina, Bobolina)
Hey, Bobolina (Bobolina, Bobolina)
Hey, Bobolina (Bobolina, Bobolina)
I love you, Bobolina (Bobolina, Bobolina)
Be mine, Bobolina (Bobolina, Bobolina)
Are you there, Bobolina (Bobolina, Bobolina)
Paging Bobolina (Bobolina, Bobolina)
I tried sending a telegram (Bobolina, Bobolina)
But the wire burned my tongue (Bobolina, Bobolina)
Hey, Bobolina, Bobolina, Bobolina, Bobolina, Bobolina (Bobolina, Bobolina)
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7. |
Inverted Jenny
02:27
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INVERTED JENNY
(Dave Guhlow)
There once was a girl, named Inverted Jenny
She’d hang upside down, was cute as a penny
Do you have a boyfriend, she didn’t have any
We met at the playground at school
There once was a girl, named Inverted Jenny
And as she grew up, her boyfriends were many
I didn’t like Curtis, and I hated Benny
We met at the playground at school
Then she went to college, and studied mathematics
She trained as a gymnast, with her acrobatics
She’s head over heels, that’s using her noodle
And she didn’t need any stamp of approval
There once was a girl, named Inverted Jenny
She traveled the world, her suitors were many
But she had to cancel, she didn’t love any
We met at the playground at school
Then she was a pilot, and flew all around
She did loop-the-loops, like she did on the ground
I guess that she needed a little reflection
To finally get her own sense of direction
There once was a girl, named Inverted Jenny
Now she‘s settled down, her children are many
They hang upside down, and they’re cute as a penny
We met at the playground at school
We met at the playground at school
We met at the playground at school
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8. |
The Dance Club
02:39
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THE DANCE CLUB
(Dave Guhlow)
We’re all at the dance club
And we’re looking good
Wearing our designer clothes
Making a pretentious pose
And we’re looking down our nose
As long as we’re having a good time
We’re all at the dance club
And we’re looking sharp
It’s so loud that we can’t think
Spent a fortune on our drink
Then we’re puking in the sink
As long as we’re having a good time
Take it Johann
Join us, Leon, come on
Here’s the extended dance mix part
Oh, cut it
We’re all at the dance club
And we’re looking great
All the DJs play the hits
All the dancers shake their hips
Till they play a song like this
As long as we’re having a good time
A good time
A good time
A good time
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9. |
School Bully
02:44
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SCHOOL BULLY
(Dave Guhlow)
I am the school bully, and I beat up your kid
No one tried to stop me, or said, look at what you did
It was really pretty easy, cause no one ever cared
And if you look back through history, no one ever dared
Now way back in ancient Greece, they learned from Socrates
All the kids would gather ‘round and listen at his knees
I would make fun of their sandals, and of their toga styles
I would chase their parent’s chariot and, follow them for miles
(I know where you live)
In the Middle Ages, an apprenticeship for me
I would work on magic spells and a little alchemy
I would call the others witches, spill their potions on the ground
They would call me sons of bitches, as I watched ‘em drown
(Heh-heh, look at the bubbles) (snort)
Now we’re in the present day, you’re still not rid of me
And I’ll be there to bully you, each opportunity
And then way out in the future, I’ll still get in your face
Whether it’s down here on planet Earth or, up in outer space
(Got your oxygen)
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10. |
Little Coma
01:42
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LITTLE COMA
(Dave Guhlow)
There’s a little girl
Livin’ down my street
They call her Coma (Little Coma)
Then she got real sick
Now she’s sound asleep
Little Coma (Little Coma)
And there ain’t no doubt
Something knocked her out
Little Coma (Coma, Coma, Little Coma)
Now she looked so cute
In her mom’s makeup
Little Coma (Little Coma, ooh)
Then she just passed out
Now she won’t wake up
Little Coma (Little Coma, ooh)
Partied every night
She’s so outta sight
Little Coma (Coma, Coma, Little Coma)
She’s also outta hearing
Play it, Jerry Lee
Oh, she’s unconscious
I’d take you out
To the Junior Dance
Little Coma (Little Coma, ooh)
But it’s hard to move
When you’re in a trance
Little Coma (Little Coma, ooh)
Couldn’t cut a rug
Time to pull the plug
On Little Coma (Coma, Coma, Little Coma)
Partied every night
She’s so outta sight
Little Coma (Coma, Coma, Little Coma)
And there ain’t no doubt
Someone knocked her out
Little Coma (Coma, Coma, Little Coma)
Oh, did I say someone, I meant something, something knocked her out
It’s not like I had anything to do with it (Coma, Coma, Little Coma)
You can edit that out right (Coma, Coma, Little Coma)
Can you do it while I’m here
I’d really appreciate it (Coma, Coma, Little Coma)
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11. |
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YOU CAN PLAY WITH MY ORGAN
(Dave Guhlow)
Every Sunday I went to church
And I listened to the choir
A sweet young thing played the organ there
And she played so extraordinaire
Nervously I went up to her
And I asked her filled with dread
Can you teach me to play like you
And this is what she said and I quote
(Chorus)
You can play with my organ
If only I can play with yours
It’s not so hard just use both your hands
And pretty soon it’s at your command
Soon we’re playing to beat the band
With the attention it adores
You can play with my organ
If only I can play with yours
Oh, let’s play
Every Sunday we’d meet downstairs
In the basement all alone
Every week I’d be lingering
So she could help with my fingering
Soon the word started getting ‘round
About this lovely lass
Everyone had to make that sound
And join her master class when she said
(Repeat chorus)
Oh, let’s keep playing
If only I can play with yours (a little faster)
If only I can play with yours
Oh, that was fun
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12. |
Song For Charity
03:45
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SONG FOR CHARITY
(Dave Guhlow)
(Singer 1) My agent said that kids are going hungry
(Singer 2) My manager said people won’t be fed
(Singer 3) My handler said that I should give ‘em money
(All) It’s easier to sing a song instead
(Singer 3) Now when I heard about it from my trainer
(Singer 1) I wrote a song, it wasn’t very good (yeah, that’s for sure)
(Singer 2) I called my tax attorney on retainer
(All) We need to take deductions where we could
(Chorus)
This is our song for charity
And all of us are singing it for free (we’re singin’ for free?)
We’re really proud of our philanthropy
But we’re not giving up our royalties
(Singer 2) My gardener said people get diseases
(Singer 3) My tailor said that people live in pain
(Singer 1) My caterer forgot my favorite cheeses
(All) We had to turn around the private plane (oh, she is so fired)
(Repeat chorus)
(Singer 4) And we’re not giving up till we win the fight
(Singer 5) And we’re not giving up without our copyright
(Singer 1) Whoa
(Singer 2) Ow, too loud
(Singer 3) Holy crap
(Singer 4) Ah, my ears
(Singer 1) My publicist said people really need us
(Singer 2) We’re broadcasting on all the network feeds
(Singer 3) As long as we get covered by the media
(All) And we all get awarded for our deeds (that’s the important part)
This is our song for charity
And we get all our goody bags for free (we get ‘em for free?)
We’re really smug about philanthropy
But we’re not giving up our royalties
But we’re not giving up our royalties
(Singer 1) Oh, there’s my limo, I’m outta here
(Singer 2) I never liked him
(Singer 3) Me either
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Dave Guhlow Henderson, Nevada
Dave Guhlow’s completely accurate bio, by A. Paidshill:
Beloved entertainer, humanitarian, and
national treasure, Dave Guhlow is none of these things.
The man who put the harm in harmony, his act has been described as the kind that killed vaudeville, then dug it up and killed it again.
His songs are like fine wine after being dumped in the sewer, and now, you can experience the same revulsion.
... more
