Ain't Nature Grand

from Stupid Songs by Dave Guhlow

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lyrics

AIN’T NATURE GRAND
(Dave Guhlow)

There’s nothing as moving, and nothing as soothing
As seeing the robins in spring
The mother so tender, turns into a blender
And feeds her chicks by vomiting
Then there’s the eagle, majestic and regal
We sigh as it soars overhead
And as we watch in awe, grabs a chick with its claw
And majestically rips it to shreds

Ain’t nature grand
In the air, out at sea, or on land
Beware of the culture, surrounded by vultures
That wait for your hide to be tanned
Ain’t nature grand
Get out of there now while you can
Cause when they’re not molting, they sure are revolting
Ain’t nature grand

Under the sea, so much variety
Like the shark, and the eel, and the squid
Out on the ocean, that rhythmic motion
Will soon make you sorry you did (ulp)
Out on the Amazon, make sure your camera’s on
So many wonders to see
Like that small little fish, while it’s not so delish
It’ll swim up your stream while you pee

Ain’t nature grand
In the air, out at sea, or on land
That big barracuda, can be very rude-a
With teeth that’ll tear off your hand
Ain’t nature grand
It’s all the outdoors you can stand
When it ain’t combusting, it sure it’s disgusting
Ain’t nature grand

You know
I remember going camping in my childhood
When we were attacked by hornets
Then all snuggled up in our tent at night
During that record breaking hailstorm
Then we went to the beach
Where they blew up that whale carcass
Everybody got souvenirs, whether you wanted them or not
Dad had to buy a whole new windshield for the camper
Well, I’ve got to get back to the song now
But, ah the memories, you can have ‘em

After rain showers, that big field of flowers
So tempting to go strolling in
You might find amusing, that pus that you’re oozing
Is poison that’s under your skin
Then there’s the elephant, not really relevant
See him there taking a drink
While playing his trumpet, or taking a dump
It’s amazing how much they can stink

Ain’t nature grand
In the air (coughs)
You gotta be careful, when teasing a bear full
Of liquor it swiped from your can
Ain’t nature grand
You gotta be thrilled with its plan
From the ooze so primeval, to the modern dung beetle
Ain’t nature grand

I think I stepped in something

credits

from Stupid Songs, released November 18, 2014

license

about

Dave Guhlow Henderson, Nevada

Dave Guhlow’s completely accurate bio, by A. Paidshill:

Beloved entertainer, humanitarian, and national treasure, Dave Guhlow is none of these things.

The man who put the harm in harmony, his act has been described as the kind that killed vaudeville, then dug it up and killed it again.

His songs are like fine wine after being dumped in the sewer, and now, you can experience the same revulsion. ... more